Incomplete.

I don't know how to feel. All I know is that beneath the thin layer of normality in my recent emotions, everything is still there. All the hurt, all the anger. I feel as if it's being kept at bay by some artificial, unnatural process. I don't like it. The hurt that you dealt delved a deep crater in my heart, and I don't think i can ever fill it in. Ever. I don't feel like a whole person. I feel like a thin, sickly shadow of my former self, even when these emotions are partially at kept at bay.

Why did you do this? I would never wish this pain upon anyone in my life. Yet you so nonchalantly dole it out. I don't see how you can be okay with hurting me like this. I don't see how you can just damage people and move on like it didn't happen. One day you'll learn that's not how life works.

Romans 12:19-Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, "VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY," says the Lord.

All I want to do is take my own revenge. But I need to let go. I need to let God do his work. But that's so much easier said than done. God, help me let go of this bitterness, this anger, however justified it may be. Help me let go.